domestic violence program

developing a safety plan

Choosing to leave an abusive partner and seeking help can be a very difficult choice.  Once you decide that leaving is the best choice for you and your family, you may still have to cope with emotional, physical and financial demands.  Remember- you are not alone. 

 

The YWCA recommends that you create a safety plan to help you prepare to leave and to help keep you and your family as safe as possible.  We also recommend that you meet with a YWCA counselor who can assist you in developing a plan and provide supportive services, such as emergency shelter.  For help call the YWCA 24-hour hotline at 804-643-0888.  If you are not ready to seek professional help, the following guide will assist you in developing a plan on your own. 

 

Tell someone you can trust

Confide in a friend or family member who you can trust to keep your plans secret and who will not judge you or discourage you from leaving an abusive situation. 

 

Because many victims of domestic violence are isolated from friends and family, you can seek help from counselors and advocates at local domestic violence agencies. 

 

 

Decide how you and your children will get out of your home

• Leave when your abuser will least expect it.  This will give you more time to get away before your abuser realizes that you are gone.

• If you must leave at night, think of public places that are open 24 hours a day, such as police and fire stations, hospitals, and gas stations.

• Make a plan for how you can escape from each room in your house, in case of emergency.

• Pack up items that you will need and important documents in advance.  Store your bag in a location where your abuser cannot find it. 

• Set aside emergency money, if possible.

• Create a false trail.  Call motels, real estate agencies, and schools in a town at least six hours from where you plan to go.  Ask them questions that will need to be answered by them calling you back and give them your old phone number.

• Create an escape route for work, in case your abuser harasses you there.

• If you need help in a public place, yell "FIRE".  People respond more quickly to someone yelling "fire" than any other cry for help. 

• Teach your children how to dial 911 and where to go in an emergency.

 

 

What to pack

If you are in an emergency and need to get out right away, do not worry about gathering these things.  While they are helpful to have, the safety of you and your family comes first! 

 

Keep these important documents (or copies) and items packed in a location where your abuser cannot find them. 

• Protective Order
• ATM and Credit Cards
• Cash/Checkbook
• Passport
• Driver's License and Registration
• Social Security Cards
• Green Card, VISA, or Work Permit
• Cell Phone or Change for Pay Phone
• Address Book
• Medical Records
• Your Partner's Social Security Number
• Insurance Policies
• Important Legal Documents
• Medications
• Change of Clothing
• Lease
• Birth Certificates, Marriage Licenses, Wills
• School Records
• Police Records (if reported)
• Record of Violence
• Spare Car Keys
• Personal Items to Keep (Photos, Jewelry, etc.)

 

 

After leaving- planning for the future

• Consider applying for a protective order, if you do not already have one.

• Put dead bolt locks on your door, and if you can, replace any wood doors with steel or metal doors.

• Consider installing a security system.

• Make sure that the outside of your new home is well lit, consider motion sensitive lights.

• Keep bushes, trees, and other plants around your house well trimmed.

• Change your phone number.  Tell the phone company not to list your new number and request caller ID.

• If possible, change your work hours and/or your route to work.

• Tell anyone who takes care of your children who is allowed to pick them up, give them a copy of the restraining order

• Try not to travel alone, stay in public and well lit places as much as possible

• Take a different route to the grocery store, restaurants, social places, a friend's house or any other places you go on a regular basis

• Consider changing your children's schools.

• If you apply for a protective order:  keep a certifiend copy with you at all times, give copies to your employer, neighbors, friends, and schools with picture of your abuser.

• Call law enforcement if your abuser violates your protective order.

• Get a full check-up with your doctor to see if you need any medical treatment.

• Carry a cell phone, your local domestic violence agency may give out cell phones programmed with emergency numbers.

• Seek on-going support from local domestic violence and mental health service providers.